Great Grandfather

My Great Grandfather came over from Ireland
to survive the Great famine
He served in the Great War
Took home a Great Stomach wound
It was the size of his fist.
Because of this, he lived to the Grand old age of 49.
I don't know much else about My Great Grandfather.

Apart from living out his last days in
the corner of the living room
with a pipe.

Last orders

When the day is done at 5.

And smoke perfumes the past.

And Shiny Happy People*

is another way to fast.

And the last of the office lights 

make you feel she's gone for good. 

 

It's Autumn. 

There was a void like...

Trafficked trees                         
Only seconds with the dying sun 
Monday owning her Sunday best
A double bed on its last legs,
(just a commodity for selling sex)
A bus routine, the blank faces
Another day with a bare lake, a weekly window gone...
Memories fading from the age I was someone
Old friends flying to unfamiliar places (to meet new ones)

Just a few passing thoughts as they call last orders.

 

Ribs

Springs dig in my ribs

As I reverse from 

vivid trips,

distorted relationships.

Ones I hope won't outlive 

this feeling of _springs in my ribs

Springs dig in my ribs 

As reality hits, I remember social distances...

And throughout the day

I may have to unbuild such extensions 

Repair make belief bridges.  

Realise I never rode space mountain. 

It was just me asleep.

Weather proof

 From creosote

To when we were shaking 

Dead fire coals as spring unfolds 

A familiar beautiful wasted space 

Why didn't this add up?

All these times were weather proof 

for me, not you. 

Wonderland we're holding hands

Somewhere between a dead charade and a glue eyed dance.

An old one excerpt from my song the Magpie Turns. Just a bit of winter imagery. 

It's Autumn

When the day is done at 5.

And smoke perfumes the past.

And Shiny Happy People*

is another way to fast.

And the last of the office lights 

make you feel she's gone for good. 

 

It's Autumn. 

(walking home) 

shiny happy people* by R.E.M  

Blue vein lips

 Her chin rests on her hand

And her eyes rest ahead of her heart

And in the bar. I'm a shadow. 

She has blue vein lips on

Stood at the back of the room 

And no matter how hard I tried 

I couldn't get through. 

I'd never move

I’d never move 

When Sunday opened it’s legs

for Monday far too easily, 

I would never move.

There were never many stills of us 

making the most of the passing hours 

My memory couldn't focus, 

from the station blank, still can't.

By the time it does 

I realise that every memory passed 

was the greatest work of fiction 

(based loosely on us)

(written a while back but realised I never shared it)

Burnt sweet potato, pigeon blood

Memories of this place.

Burnt sweet potato.
Pigeon blood.
It wouldn't come up

A 2 bed rental.
Housed our birthing pool.
Stagnant water from a stay in hospital.

 First responders and midwife  treads

An untouched courtyard.
Plans of plants just roots in our heads

An unhinged neighbour. A freedom fighter
left drowning in his stereo, the night before 

Rat Olympics from the kitchen to the bin store . 

And a landlord second toke nonchalance  

But Our little carpet crawler, new knees, the bees knees, we could've been
in a tent and still been happy with him. A new lease of life.

Every moment marked in these four walls. (but any)

Every moment now flaking paint in a world pandemic 

Having to downsize due to COVID19

SafeTerrain

Somewhere between
blue air and
turbulence.
Spirit drunk,
I keep company
with four walls
& a grey dewy morning

And I'm in safe terrain

ascents and descents

Sea water salt,
my legs, the stairs,
the backward steps
the mass I shed
as I headed
up coves and coves

The descent, wrapped in the
smell of bush
the boat watchers
the sea a stomach
soothing relief or
longer harder my steps

And new shoulders weekends
Make amends, give the blues more than you
Formulated faith, soak it up
Never fail a serotonin shot
Keep face until one too many
and then you'll hear a broken record
of sorry slurs. A broken verse
Nothing new emerged

I'm stuck with paint dry sentiment.
Cemented. Sleep walking through the past.

The Kitchen

Everything happened in the kitchen.
She was sentenced to life
but a week before
couldn't believe the time
went so quick
but we became a dying horse
under beating pressure.

Everything happened in the kitchen
the twin towers took hold of the planes
Your Dad explained we'd never forget this day
The papers asked if it was the end of the world
Nostradamus sleeping still in his grave

Everything happened in the kitchen
Legs made a v and eyes marked the sky
 but then we disagreed
until the water, either way,. ran dry

Everything happened in the kitchen.
Well, not everything but a lot.

bigots next to me

Let them win the jackpot.
Something to stop them describing
the bite of every breed of dog.

A hot potato
where Middle England's ammo
is fired with shallow joy -
Solutions splashed on the back
of picture postcards
selling the seaside's decline -
Where rain talk is favoured over
blistering sunshine-
where ghosts now roam empty halls
that once stood host to tea room dances,
gentle kisses from doting lovers
And django lead second chances

and somewhere my daydreams
get swept up in all of this.
I'm sentimental, you're instrumental
in the middle of every week

let them win

(or give me a pair of headphones.)

Lying rough

She was lying rough
& I'd finally saved enough
to buy a resonator
(I fetched her medicine too)

She was a Queen Bee
One who left my company for good.
and every time I scaled the stairs
I saw her in my bed.
So I took it to the 2nd hand shop
who told me it was worthless.

I umd and arred, took the money, got drunk.

I was lying rough. no her. no resonator. no medicine.

Turning Ninety Three

Such fervent excitement.
She couldn't sleep turning Ninety Three.

Now morning, with her good hand, she takes on a television score

A pause for entertaining the common discourse
Her mind's eye flickers in to life

Music brings the sun. Sunflowers open bask
and then silence_____ Weak kneed she asks

I've still got a few years left haven't I?

This quiver was me as a child hopeful
Christmas hadn't run it's course
as the tinsel came down,
leaving grief stricken walls
and the pine needles met up in the pan
for the last sorry time.

'Yes, of course' my answer - automatic, assuring.

As the conductor rests. She's gone.
We go back to entertaining.
We hope to have her back on again. (soon)



This was about my Nan in law. How her dementia seems to come and go. How it's all invisible and unpredictable)  I also took a lot from this _  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tp6c_oG1SBk

Another flume.

The flume.
I was shooting down to my grave.
Sadly, in my head.
I was told to lie back.
Relax, in my hospital bed.

There's nothing wrong with you
Why do you think differently?

Certain things I could savour.
Streaming Asthmatic Kitty's son,
Chocolate dusted coffee,
a gentle morning run.
Chlorinated water,
A sure (safe) routine.
My love hate relationship with the West Hill,
A kite being willed by your half sized hands.
But. Mostly you.

How could I forget the night, you held me?
Shushed me to sleep.
Taught me that I don't need to try and breathe
Taught me that I don't need to try.....and breathe.
Put your head on my stomach,
watch your eyes slow rise up to mine.
Everything passes.
Even the unpredictable weather
is calmer than your mind.
Even stars coming together
are calmer than your mind.
Feeling the ground,
Even the plates beneath it are calmer than your mind.
It will pass. It is passing. I love you.

The past

Trapped
Trapped in the past
That's what I do
That's what I am
I just live like I've boxed in my hometown
A firm favourite who lost in the first round

Even when things were going well
You'd find a corner, a corner to tell
Yourself that things weren't going well
You knew people were good at going away

This is a morning trying to sell what's been and gone.

Trapped
Trapped in the past
That's what I face and where I stand
I just live like I've boxed in my hometown
It was unanimous that I lost in the first round

Even when things were going well
You'd find a corner, a corner to tell
Yourself that things weren't going well
You knew people were good at going way

This mornings trying to sell what's been and gone

Tough Luck

Meditation on the bus
I keep on drifting to us (This kid walks past)
says my Mum always smoked
while expectant
If the baby got ill then 'tough luck'
If we became ill
then 'tough luck'

Meditation on the bus
I won't keep drifting to us. (No I won't)
These chemicals will pass
But there's biggest burdens than my heart

Meditation on the bus
I'll spend my evenings half cut ( a sinking heart)
These sleepless nights will pass
But there's bigger burdens than my heart

I won't keep drifting to us
I won't keep drifting to us.

Am I two faced or
or resolute
I don't know.

The Downs

Somewhere upon the downs
The hue colours match the parents proud
They spill from early blues and greens
A father who won't stop running down the hill beams
Even the devils have a lie in
Waking but not wanting to be woken
Many innocent moments came from me thinking...
We all went to bed unbroken

We were in luck with keeping darkness at bay

The crabs we caught in our buckets
All got returned
But the father carrying the Christmas tree under his arm
Had his lesson learned
The lady bagging up humbugs hers learned to
What abut the team serving up lunches just to please me and you

We were in luck with keeping darkness at bay

Harrow or hue - don't grow old boys, find a way to beam away boys

The Cinema

I once wrote a song called the cinema. It was based on the film 'Elephant' 

You cannot find the heap
From where I would always lift you
You cannot find it
The cinema possessed you
The cinema possessed you

I cannot prize the devil
I cannot prize the daring devil
I cannot prize it
The cinema possessed you
The cinema possessed you

Put one foot on the rope son
put one foot on the rope and I'll be gone

You cannot be the artist
not break your mother's heart
you cannot be the artist

From birth I was always a parachute sun
from birth I was always, from birth I was always
yet the cinema possessed you

Put one foot on the rope soon
Put one foot on the rope and I'll be gone

Away I'll be gone, up the crane I'll be gone.

DEMO COMING SOON

Ships (you turned the air lemon)

You turned the air lemon,
You turned the air.
Look for those ships
before they disappear,
Look for those ships.

You went to church on a Sunday.
Met with church friends
every single Wednesday
They laid down the law
 on how you should live
I said as long as we could
live within the law

You had me fixed to the screen
hours passed, every night us speaking
We made the distance a contagious thing
We'd make the distance....

A year passed and I'd become a salesman
A broken record of how I'd be the best husband.
Forgave you for early infidelity
I'd save us by being  so forgiving.

A few months on and we weren't even speaking
Long past the nights where we'd go to sleep speaking
When did the never ending need die? fade away?
You were early days, your wondering eye.

I boxed up everything you gave me.
Like a bitter fool, sent back every memory
devotion too much for my well being
devotion too much.

5 years passed and you confessed you missed me
You were in love, it had always been about me
I tried my best to keep the hostile line.

'Look for those ships before they disappear'
Look for those ships. Look for those ships.