Last orders

When the day is done at 5.

And smoke perfumes the past.

And Shiny Happy People*

is another way to fast.

And the last of the office lights 

make you feel she's gone for good. 

 

It's Autumn. 

There was a void like...

Trafficked trees                         
Only seconds with the dying sun 
Monday owning her Sunday best
A double bed on its last legs,
(just a commodity for selling sex)
A bus routine, the blank faces
Another day with a bare lake, a weekly window gone...
Memories fading from the age I was someone
Old friends flying to unfamiliar places (to meet new ones)

Just a few passing thoughts as they call last orders.

 

It's Autumn

When the day is done at 5.

And smoke perfumes the past.

And Shiny Happy People*

is another way to fast.

And the last of the office lights 

make you feel she's gone for good. 

 

It's Autumn. 

(walking home) 

shiny happy people* by R.E.M  

Blue vein lips

 Her chin rests on her hand

And her eyes rest ahead of her heart

And in the bar. I'm a shadow. 

She has blue vein lips on

Stood at the back of the room 

And no matter how hard I tried 

I couldn't get through. 

I'd never move

I’d never move 

When Sunday opened it’s legs

for Monday far too easily, 

I would never move.

There were never many stills of us 

making the most of the passing hours 

My memory couldn't focus, 

from the station blank, still can't.

By the time it does 

I realise that every memory passed 

was the greatest work of fiction 

(based loosely on us)

(written a while back but realised I never shared it)

SafeTerrain

Somewhere between
blue air and
turbulence.
Spirit drunk,
I keep company
with four walls
& a grey dewy morning

And I'm in safe terrain

ascents and descents

Sea water salt,
my legs, the stairs,
the backward steps
the mass I shed
as I headed
up coves and coves

The descent, wrapped in the
smell of bush
the boat watchers
the sea a stomach
soothing relief or
longer harder my steps

And new shoulders weekends
Make amends, give the blues more than you
Formulated faith, soak it up
Never fail a serotonin shot
Keep face until one too many
and then you'll hear a broken record
of sorry slurs. A broken verse
Nothing new emerged

I'm stuck with paint dry sentiment.
Cemented. Sleep walking through the past.

The Kitchen

Everything happened in the kitchen.
She was sentenced to life
but a week before
couldn't believe the time
went so quick
but we became a dying horse
under beating pressure.

Everything happened in the kitchen
the twin towers took hold of the planes
Your Dad explained we'd never forget this day
The papers asked if it was the end of the world
Nostradamus sleeping still in his grave

Everything happened in the kitchen
Legs made a v and eyes marked the sky
 but then we disagreed
until the water, either way,. ran dry

Everything happened in the kitchen.
Well, not everything but a lot.

Lying rough

She was lying rough
& I'd finally saved enough
to buy a resonator
(I fetched her medicine too)

She was a Queen Bee
One who left my company for good.
and every time I scaled the stairs
I saw her in my bed.
So I took it to the 2nd hand shop
who told me it was worthless.

I umd and arred, took the money, got drunk.

I was lying rough. no her. no resonator. no medicine.

Another flume.

The flume.
I was shooting down to my grave.
Sadly, in my head.
I was told to lie back.
Relax, in my hospital bed.

There's nothing wrong with you
Why do you think differently?

Certain things I could savour.
Streaming Asthmatic Kitty's son,
Chocolate dusted coffee,
a gentle morning run.
Chlorinated water,
A sure (safe) routine.
My love hate relationship with the West Hill,
A kite being willed by your half sized hands.
But. Mostly you.

How could I forget the night, you held me?
Shushed me to sleep.
Taught me that I don't need to try and breathe
Taught me that I don't need to try.....and breathe.
Put your head on my stomach,
watch your eyes slow rise up to mine.
Everything passes.
Even the unpredictable weather
is calmer than your mind.
Even stars coming together
are calmer than your mind.
Feeling the ground,
Even the plates beneath it are calmer than your mind.
It will pass. It is passing. I love you.

Where do all the snowmen go?

Everyone must attempt a Christmas song, right? This is the song of the disappearing snowmen

If I were to be built again
I'd be flying with damage control
Tell me love beyond the frosten white throw
Where do all the snowmen go?
Where do all the snowmen go?

Now on the shelf
Dry ice for heavy coats
Rubbing shoulders with poisoned folks
The smile you once had etched
Button nose you pressed
It was all a little too much for your bare naked chest.

The past

Trapped
Trapped in the past
That's what I do
That's what I am
I just live like I've boxed in my hometown
A firm favourite who lost in the first round

Even when things were going well
You'd find a corner, a corner to tell
Yourself that things weren't going well
You knew people were good at going away

This is a morning trying to sell what's been and gone.

Trapped
Trapped in the past
That's what I face and where I stand
I just live like I've boxed in my hometown
It was unanimous that I lost in the first round

Even when things were going well
You'd find a corner, a corner to tell
Yourself that things weren't going well
You knew people were good at going way

This mornings trying to sell what's been and gone

Tough Luck

Meditation on the bus
I keep on drifting to us (This kid walks past)
says my Mum always smoked
while expectant
If the baby got ill then 'tough luck'
If we became ill
then 'tough luck'

Meditation on the bus
I won't keep drifting to us. (No I won't)
These chemicals will pass
But there's biggest burdens than my heart

Meditation on the bus
I'll spend my evenings half cut ( a sinking heart)
These sleepless nights will pass
But there's bigger burdens than my heart

I won't keep drifting to us
I won't keep drifting to us.

Am I two faced or
or resolute
I don't know.

Over the moon

'That's amazing, it's like a giant monster in the sky'      'drown out, drown out, drown out' 
The carriage, the best, I had to fend off the rest...a scorn, my breath wasted on his opportune, just too long for the stop but you looked Over the moon.

'drown out, drown out, drown out, drown out'
You looked Over the moon. You managed to look Over the moon.

Bluebell Shower

They'd goad me from the side
                       

                      The voices in your head would

They'd part the way for me
                     

                     You'd fight your own path

I was lighter than none other
                     

                     You were a dying bluebell shower

But lover I stood for all that was right

                   You fell in to everything that wasn't

This is beautiful for my creation
                 

                    So was splitting the atom for some


These were the patterns
And who can picture it right?
This was us dying...
The start of something bright. 

The Red Admiral's Daughter

I once wrote a song about a woman who kept on being left alone in a pub. I connected this with what I was going through at the time. In my head I pictured her looking forward to this night for the whole week and then her company just periodically deserting her.

I spy in the corner
The Red Admiral's daughter
They had her left
as solemn again

Pinned up for the night
like a tea stained print
Easy to flitter
in candle lit spirit

I'd have never treated you
like the admirals daughter

A Saturday night
Smelling the smoke
In a haze of empty promises
They left her to choke

I'd have never treated you
like the admirals daughter

And then down Speedwell drive

We made plans, solid plans

Mapped out in Leicestershire

My world, your hands

I'd have never sold it to you 

If I didn't mean it

Why did you ever sell it to me?

When you didn't mean it?

The Goffs

Stacking shelves, repeat, then turn 
Do you remember the wine? In The Goffs one time? 
You were letting me drown, you were letting me drown. 
Like a faithful dog, my response was...

Starlings used to follow me home, 
until I remembered they were there. 

Frantic cars, repeat, then turn. 
Do you remember sleepless nights?
Playing with the lights,
until the carpet was ours? 

Having your town as a news item 
Do you remember my clean face?
The boy put in maths?
Sums already crashed, spirits placed 

Starlings used to follow me home 
until I remembered, they were.

Suspended clouds, neon lights. 
Do you remember me dying on a bus? 
Never again the face in my mirror 
Starlings used to follow me home 
until I remembered they were there. 

They were there, in The Goffs...

The Cinema

I once wrote a song called the cinema. It was based on the film 'Elephant' 

You cannot find the heap
From where I would always lift you
You cannot find it
The cinema possessed you
The cinema possessed you

I cannot prize the devil
I cannot prize the daring devil
I cannot prize it
The cinema possessed you
The cinema possessed you

Put one foot on the rope son
put one foot on the rope and I'll be gone

You cannot be the artist
not break your mother's heart
you cannot be the artist

From birth I was always a parachute sun
from birth I was always, from birth I was always
yet the cinema possessed you

Put one foot on the rope soon
Put one foot on the rope and I'll be gone

Away I'll be gone, up the crane I'll be gone.

DEMO COMING SOON

Ships (you turned the air lemon)

You turned the air lemon,
You turned the air.
Look for those ships
before they disappear,
Look for those ships.

You went to church on a Sunday.
Met with church friends
every single Wednesday
They laid down the law
 on how you should live
I said as long as we could
live within the law

You had me fixed to the screen
hours passed, every night us speaking
We made the distance a contagious thing
We'd make the distance....

A year passed and I'd become a salesman
A broken record of how I'd be the best husband.
Forgave you for early infidelity
I'd save us by being  so forgiving.

A few months on and we weren't even speaking
Long past the nights where we'd go to sleep speaking
When did the never ending need die? fade away?
You were early days, your wondering eye.

I boxed up everything you gave me.
Like a bitter fool, sent back every memory
devotion too much for my well being
devotion too much.

5 years passed and you confessed you missed me
You were in love, it had always been about me
I tried my best to keep the hostile line.

'Look for those ships before they disappear'
Look for those ships. Look for those ships.

Forgiveness on a loop

Area drained
Voice breaking
Graveyard eyes
are never waking
Forgiveness on a loop
Forgiveness helter skelter
Stranger to the mirror
passing like a commuter
Roll over - tomorrow.
There's always tomorrow.

I'd Never Move

The salt from my eyes you bathed in for years, 
Gave you life, gave you a signal to tune in to. 
When Sunday opened it’s legs to Monday far too easily, 
I’d never move. I'd never move.

There were never many stills of us 
making the most of the passing hours - 
My memory couldn't focus, from the station blank, still can't.
By the time it does I realise that every memory passed 
was the greatest work of fiction (based loosely on us.)